Understanding the Stakes in Family Court
Hi, my name is Carl Birkhead. I’m a Tulsa child custody attorney with the Wirth Law Office in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I’ve been practicing family and criminal law for almost eight years now, and I want to help make the law easy by talking about what you should—and more importantly, should not—say on the stand, especially if you don’t want the judge to think you’re the problem in your case.
Avoiding the High-Conflict Label
In family law, we often see what are called “high-conflict cases.” These are cases where the parties are constantly at odds, like cats and dogs, and putting them in the same room can feel more dangerous than setting a bonfire next to barrels of gasoline. Sometimes both sides are equally at fault, sometimes it’s just one. But no matter what, you want to avoid giving the impression that you are the source of the conflict.
Here’s where people often go wrong. Clients sometimes come in saying, “I do no wrong, but the other person is the devil.” That immediately raises concerns because we’re all human—we all make mistakes. Judges and attorneys expect balance. If you only highlight the other person’s flaws while pretending you have none, that can backfire.
Avoiding Unqualified Labels
The biggest mistake, though, is labeling the other parent with psychological terms you’re not qualified to use. High-conflict parents often go on the stand and start saying, “They’re bipolar. They’re narcissistic. They’re sociopathic. They’re crazy.” Judges hear this constantly, and it usually makes the speaker look more dramatic than credible. To be clear—the “C-word” you should avoid in court is “crazy.”
Instead of labeling, describe the behavior. Was it erratic? Temperamental? Did the other parent have a short fuse or frequent anger outbursts? Did their behavior suddenly change in ways that made them unstable? Use specific, neutral descriptions. The court can read between the lines without you assigning diagnoses you’re not qualified to make.
Presenting Evidence Appropriately
That doesn’t mean you should downplay serious behavior—far from it. Just make sure your words are accurate, measured, and respectful. Let the facts speak for themselves.
If you have questions about how to present yourself and your testimony in court, give me a call. My name is Carl Birkhead and I’m a Tulsa family law attorney with the Wirth Law Office, and I want to help you make law easy.
Schedule Your Strategy Session Today
If you’re preparing for court and need guidance on how to present your case effectively, don’t hesitate to reach out. Contact me at 918-879-1681 for a low-cost initial strategy session. Let’s work together to navigate your legal challenges successfully.
