Avoid Negative Talk About Co-Parent Around Kids
What should—or more importantly, shouldn’t—you say about the other parent when you’re in front of your kids?
Hi, my name is Carl Birkhead. I’m a Tulsa family law attorney with the Wirth Law Office in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I’ve been practicing family and criminal law for almost eight years, and I want to help make the law easy by talking a little about the do’s and don’ts of speaking about your co-parent around your children.
The Role of Good Conduct Orders
This issue comes up a lot in family cases, especially those with high conflict. Mom and dad are constantly at odds, the families don’t get along, and tensions run high. That’s why nearly every divorce or paternity case comes with something called a good conduct order. These are basically “be nice” orders that outline how parents should behave while the case is pending—and often afterward.
They usually include rules like: don’t badmouth the other parent in front of the child, and don’t fight with the other parent in front of the child. The reason is simple: courts don’t want children caught in the middle. Talking badly about the other parent in front of your kids damages the parent-child relationship and creates unnecessary conflict.
Understanding the Long-term Effects
Now, I get it—slip-ups happen. I don’t think there’s a parent alive who hasn’t let something negative slip out at some point. But you need to be aware of your surroundings and keep those moments in check. It’s not just about avoiding direct comments to your kids like “your dad is terrible” or “your mom is awful.”
You also need to avoid badmouthing the other parent where the kids can overhear—whether you’re venting to your dad, your sister, your best friend, or your new partner. If the kids hear it, it still affects how they view their parent, and sooner or later, they’ll repeat it back. That not only harms the child’s relationship with the other parent but also creates headaches for you in court.
The Court’s Stance on Parental Conflict
Judges take this seriously. They don’t want kids exposed to fighting, litigation talk, or anything resembling parental alienation—even in smaller forms. Because at the end of the day, that’s what it is: interference with the child’s relationship with their other parent.
So here are the two simple rules: Don’t vent to the kids. Don’t vent around the kids. You’re human, you’re allowed to get frustrated, but save it for a safe space away from them.
Schedule a Low-Cost Initial Strategy Session
My name is Carl Birkhead. I’m a Tulsa child custody attorney with the Wirth Law Office, and I want to help you make law easy. If you’re navigating co-parenting challenges, consider scheduling a low-cost initial strategy session. Call us today at 918-879-1681.
